• Search
A lifestyle magazine for Central Florida's modern parents

6 Stages of a Sleep-Starved Mom(bie)

You know that feeling when you wake up bright-eyed and bushy-tailed after a nice night of rest? Me neither.

Words by LJ Kunkel

As a mom, I’m pretty sure I may never again experience the simple privileges of getting to bed on time, an uninterrupted full session of shut-eye, sleeping in, or waking up refreshed and ready to go (at least not until the nocturnal minions are adults themselves).

Crazy how the one thing you need most after giving birth is stripped from you and remains always just out of reach. Nature, you have failed us all!

Take heart, fellow mombie (mom + zombie) – you’re not alone! We’ve all experienced the following long spiral to parental insanity.

STAGE 1: Denial
I am a rock star! I just popped out a freaking baby. He is so perfect! I made this little cutie! And I’m not even tired! What is this silly exhaustion thing everyone warns about? This isn’t so bad. I don’t even need coffee!

STAGE 2: Anger
Okay, now I see. What the heck? I can’t even think straight. How many times during the night does this parasite need to eat, for crying out loud? It’s 2 a.m., and I’ve been up five times already! What the…no, no, no! Diaper blowout?! Gotta be kidding me. I housed this thing for nine months, and this is what I get?! What…what is that? Snoring? Who is snoring? Oh, that’s right — the father — somehow he is able to completely tune out all sounds, even screaming. Wait, is that me or the baby screaming? Aaargh! He did this to me in the first place! Maybe I should “accidentally” wake him up…

STAGE 3: Bargaining
Okay, okay, calm down, crazy! It’s not you…it’s not hubby…it’s not the baby (well, it is kinda). This sleep-starved state is making you insane! It won’t last forever. The cuddles and the laughs and all the fun stuff will all be worth it. Look, little guy is finally asleep again! Aw, how sweet! They say someday you will miss this, right? Will I even be able to remember the good parts? Did the dog just talk to me? I’m so tired that I’m delusional. Am I talking out loud? Yep, officially riding the crazy train.

STAGE 4: Depression
Shouldn’t this little imp be sleeping through the night by now? Google lied to me about this! I must have the only 8-month-old who still needs night feedings. Lucky me. And why does he think 3 a.m. is a good time to play? I’m done trying to “enjoy” this stage. I don’t know when I last showered. Did I eat dinner tonight? What the heck is stuck in my hair? My body hurts. My brain hurts. Not even the best makeup can cover up these massive black shadows of doom under my eyes. I can’t stop crying. Does it ever end?

STAGE 5: Acceptance
This is just how it’s going to be, I guess. For a while, anyway. Not sure how long I can take this, but it will end, right? I won’t be doing this in 14 years, right? Heck, by then he’ll be sleeping until noon whenever he can. Then I can wake him up! Oh, I can’t wait! Sweet revenge! Until then, I will survive. I hope.

STAGE 6: Coffee
Yes, this is a stage. Perhaps the longest one. Enough said!

LJ KUNKEL is a writer, fitness trainer and sleep-deprived mom(bie) of three boys. She keeps her head on straight by working out, dancing shamelessly and eating chocolate (also shamelessly). Learn more about LJ at fitmixmom.com.

Avatar
Written by
PLAYGROUND
View all articles
Leave a reply

Avatar Written by PLAYGROUND

Categories

Follow us

Proactively formulate resource-leveling imperatives through alternative process improvements.

Family Events

iCalRSS

March 2019

March 9, 20199:00 am
Free


This is a family friendly project. Hunger Heroes of all ages are welcome.





It’s easy to forget about the hunger that exists in our own ...

More
March 9, 201911:00 am
Festivals https://www.eventbrite.com/e/saturday-in-the-park-tickets-55011173902


The College Park Neighborhood Association (CPNA) is hosting Saturday In The Park With Music And The Arts. This is a daytime and evening event that will include a wide variety of entertainment options for all ages.




&...

More
March 9, 201912:00 pm
Festivals / Free


Families are invited to visit the 7th Annual Touch-a-Truck event on March 9th from 12-3 p.m at the CFE Arena. This is a free, interactive experience for kids of all ages.





Touch-a-Truck ...

More
March 10, 20199:00 am
Free


This is a family friendly project. Hunger Heroes of all ages are welcome.





It’s easy to forget about the hunger that exists in our own ...

More
March 10, 201912:00 pm
Class http://www.artroomorlando.com/index.htm


It's Mommy & Me time at The Art Room. This fun painting class is for parents and their child, age 4 and up. Have fun quality time painting sweet treats!
Call to register: 407-909-1869
$50 per couple; all supplies included
709 Main Street, ...

More
March 15, 20196:30 pm - 9:30 pm
Play Date


Drop your kids off for a night to themselves in a safe, supervised and friendly environment. They will enjoy themed games, crafts and gym time. Included is this packed night of fun is always a great movie and yummy pizza.





Drop your kids off for a night to themselves in a safe, supervised and friendly environment. They will enjoy themed games, crafts and gym time. Included is this packed night of fun is always a great movie and yummy pizza.





For potty-trained 3 year olds up to 5th graders. All for only $25 per child ($15 for each additional sibling). Call for availability: 407-365-6800


March 15, 20196:30 pm
Play Date


Join us on Friday, March 15 for a special Family Swim to Celebrate the Colors of the Rainbow! We will have raffles, crafts, pizza and and open swim. Raffle winners will be announced at 7:45 p.m., and you must be present to claim your prize.



Join us on Friday, March 15 for a special Family Swim to Celebrate the Colors of the Rainbow! We will have raffles, crafts, pizza and and open swim. Raffle winners will be announced at 7:45 p.m., and you must be present to claim your prize.





Reservations ARE required for this event, so call 407.614.6363 to reserve your spot. This event is FREE for Goldfish Swim School members and their family. Cost for non-members is $5 a person, with a $15 maximum per family.


March 16, 201911:00 am - 11:45 am
Educational / Free


Sensory Storytimes are special needs-friendly, relaxed and interactive. These programs are designed to increase your child's comfort level with the library environment. Children of all ages and their families are welcome on one Saturday of the month from 11 a.m.-11:45 a.m. The 2019 scheduled alternates monthly between East (Oviedo) branch ...

More
March 22, 20199:00 am
Class http://edibleed.org


During this Spring Break Seed-to-Table Workshop (Cost: $80) with Edible Education Experience at the Emeril Lagasse Kitchen House & Culinary Garden in College Park, kids 10-15 will learn how to make brunch favorites like crepes, breakfast potatoes, eggs, fresh pressed juice and make-your-own fruit jam to bring home.


&...

More
March 30, 201911:00 am
Festivals / Free


Check out the newly updated (and beautiful) Rieter Park (301 W Warren Ave, Longwood, FL 32750) for a family-friendly day packed with music, great food and lots of fun. There will be a FREE kid zone featuring a pirate ship, shark ride and maybe even a mermaid or two. A huge variety of ...

More
More